It's Real

My niece, Keesha, a survivor, spent time with my mom the other day and posted the following post on her new blog:

Burgers and Cards with Grandma
"My Grandma is not doing so well. She is in the early stages of Alzhiemers, a disease that unfortunately runs in our family. She is slowly loosing her mind, and I do not like it one bit. Being with her one on one is out of my comfort zone, mostly because it is hard for me to see her this way. Today was a bitter/sweet time of hanging out with her. My little sister and I brought her some lunch and tried to play phase 10 with her. I loved being with her, becuase I love her. but I hated being with her becuae I hated that she had no concept of playing cards today. I chose phase 10 becuase I figured it would be easy for her to pick up on. Its similar to card games she has played in the past, it has a "cheat sheet" for you to remember what phase your on, and over all it's a pretty simple game. I explained the rules at least twice during each phase. I looked at her cards, organized them, told her what to lay down and what to discard... between Andelina and I she didn't really even play the game with us. when she drew she would put the card in her hand backward so she couldn't even see the card, and when I told her to put them in order from 1 to 12 she just shuffled them around in her hand. When it came time to dicard she would either put it on top of the draw pile, or lay in down in fron of her like she was playing the card. I didn't want to embarass her at all so Andelina and I just went behind her and fixed all her mistakes. I really don't like seeing my grandma this way. I know that she enjoyed lunch, and playing cards today so I will continue to hang out with her, but know that it will always be a struggle for me. Love keeps on loving even when it's uncomfortable, even when it hurts, and even when it doesn't want to. I love my grandma Mary Ruth Cooper, and I pray that as her mind leaves her it will be at ease, that she won't worry, or feel embarassed and stupid. I pray that she will at least remember who I am for a little while longer. I pray that once she's totally lost her mind the Lord will bring her home where her mind will be made perfect. I also pray that If I inherit this awful disease when I get old that I will be the funniest old lady in whole wide world and make everyone laugh instead of make them feel sad."

I barely made it to the end of the post. I cried, and cried, and cried. I've been doing a lot of that lately! Mom always told me, "when it rains, it pours!" Well, I'm in a Flashflood baby! Please throw me a life jacket, cause I don't know how to swim!
This post just made it real for me. My mom has Alzheimers Disease. Depression on top of that. All I've been doing, saying, trying to educate loved ones and let them know about the disease and it really hadn't hit me yet. But to see someone else experience what I experience every day, put it in writing, and for me to read it, to see it, to feel it. It's real. It's real.

Every day is an adventure. Not always bad, sad, or frustrating, not always fun, happy and joyful, but I'm trying, I'm aiming, to make it positive.

Well, I'm off to get ready for work, make it through the day, and start my Spring Break-whooo hoooo!!
: )