We are thinking, that, perhaps, this disease could have started with mom years ago!
Not really, but we all remember the "Endust Incident!"
Many years ago, one evening, when we were young, mom was making her famous meatloaf. As we all sat down for dinner, we noticed that something was very different about the meatloaf. We didn't dare to say anything, we just ate the meatloaf, cleaned our plates, and carried on. Come to find out, as mom was reaching above the stove to grab the Pam, she some how grabbed the Endust instead to grease the pan.
We later found out the secret ingredient to the different tasting meatloaf. There is speculation that mom knew, but didn't tell us...
We will never know...
:)
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Moments with Mom
I was thinking, through all the hard times, through all the good and bad, I have to remember the sad, but happy Moments with Mom.
My mother, my hero, my mentor, has Alzheimer's disease. The most intriguing disease, facinating how it works, but the outcome is devistating. Devistating on the person who suffers from the disease, at this point, my mom, and for those whom surround her-our huge family and friends.
I had a Moment with Mom last night. She is always saying, "Heidi, can I talk to you?" Followed by a sigh in my mind, but a happy thought in my heart (she still knows who I am and my name-Praise God!). And, she usually forgets, however, I still listen. My moment last night was hard, sad, yet spiritual. It was so amazing to see God bring out the best in me to encourage my mom to keep going. I told her what her mother told her, to take things one day at a time-even one moment at a time. I told her that her Heavenly Father is not ready to bring her home, that, unfortunatly, he's taking her one process, one memory at a time. He has a plan for us, and he's not ready to fullfill hers. As I hugged her, fighting back the tears, I told her I loved her, and that I wanted her to stay on this earth as long as God would allow. I asked her not to leave me, because I can still love her, touch her, and see her. I also told her what she told me one time. She told me that when things happen to me, it's to make me stronger. How do you tell a person, suffering from Alzheimers, that it's ok, that it's going to get better-'cause it's not. It's going to get worse. As I told her, just Trust in God, and Trust in your loved ones, we are here to help you mom, not to upset you. We do this out of love, for God, and for your, our Mother, Grandmother, Aunt, Sister, Friend. As I tried not to cry, as I'm trying not to as I write this, I had to be strong. I haven't broke down for quite some time. I held up as long as I could, and when I left and went to the car, I broke down.
She's confused about dad retiring, about the medicaid services, and she's SO worried about food and finances. I think it's great she's worried about food and finaces, 'cause Mom has ALWAYS worried about that. She used to always say, especially when we had unexpected guest, "we are not going to have enough food to feed everyone" And, miraculously, we did, we even had leftovers. I'm seeing this come through in Randy, my baby brother. He loves to and is a great cook, and he does the exact same thing, and the results too are the same, we always have some leftover.
As I'm thinking about this, I'm sad. Sad that I have to assist my mom with many activities that she can no longer do on her own, sad for her 'cause she knows how to do them, but the process, the memory is gone. Trust me, Trust us, and Trust God. I know it's ok to be sad, to cry, I just want to be strong, for all surrounding me, and for my mom, who can no longer advocate for herself, though, she does try.
I also think of the lessons I'm learning. Mostly, that I can accept and take on responsibilities that I never thought I would, or could do. I know that "if God will lead you to it, God will lead you through it." I have learned that I am a woman of steele (I just LOVE superman and the supergirl symbols), however, even steel can be penetrated. I've learned respect, and even how to be a caregiver for two elderly parents. Thouh my mother may not be here when I have a child, she may not be able to stay with me, to show me how to clean the umbilical cord, to burp, to change the diapers, to bathe, to dress, I sure have a great idea how, and a great start. with a large family, my education, and my job. I have the tools, but not yet the oppurtunity for my own "hands-on" experience.
I've learned teamwork and sacrifice. That we all can't do it on our own, that we need to and have to work together, and every single one of us are giving up something to help out our parents in their time of need.
The tears are slowing, but will never completely go away.
I love you Mom.
My mother, my hero, my mentor, has Alzheimer's disease. The most intriguing disease, facinating how it works, but the outcome is devistating. Devistating on the person who suffers from the disease, at this point, my mom, and for those whom surround her-our huge family and friends.
I had a Moment with Mom last night. She is always saying, "Heidi, can I talk to you?" Followed by a sigh in my mind, but a happy thought in my heart (she still knows who I am and my name-Praise God!). And, she usually forgets, however, I still listen. My moment last night was hard, sad, yet spiritual. It was so amazing to see God bring out the best in me to encourage my mom to keep going. I told her what her mother told her, to take things one day at a time-even one moment at a time. I told her that her Heavenly Father is not ready to bring her home, that, unfortunatly, he's taking her one process, one memory at a time. He has a plan for us, and he's not ready to fullfill hers. As I hugged her, fighting back the tears, I told her I loved her, and that I wanted her to stay on this earth as long as God would allow. I asked her not to leave me, because I can still love her, touch her, and see her. I also told her what she told me one time. She told me that when things happen to me, it's to make me stronger. How do you tell a person, suffering from Alzheimers, that it's ok, that it's going to get better-'cause it's not. It's going to get worse. As I told her, just Trust in God, and Trust in your loved ones, we are here to help you mom, not to upset you. We do this out of love, for God, and for your, our Mother, Grandmother, Aunt, Sister, Friend. As I tried not to cry, as I'm trying not to as I write this, I had to be strong. I haven't broke down for quite some time. I held up as long as I could, and when I left and went to the car, I broke down.
She's confused about dad retiring, about the medicaid services, and she's SO worried about food and finances. I think it's great she's worried about food and finaces, 'cause Mom has ALWAYS worried about that. She used to always say, especially when we had unexpected guest, "we are not going to have enough food to feed everyone" And, miraculously, we did, we even had leftovers. I'm seeing this come through in Randy, my baby brother. He loves to and is a great cook, and he does the exact same thing, and the results too are the same, we always have some leftover.
As I'm thinking about this, I'm sad. Sad that I have to assist my mom with many activities that she can no longer do on her own, sad for her 'cause she knows how to do them, but the process, the memory is gone. Trust me, Trust us, and Trust God. I know it's ok to be sad, to cry, I just want to be strong, for all surrounding me, and for my mom, who can no longer advocate for herself, though, she does try.
I also think of the lessons I'm learning. Mostly, that I can accept and take on responsibilities that I never thought I would, or could do. I know that "if God will lead you to it, God will lead you through it." I have learned that I am a woman of steele (I just LOVE superman and the supergirl symbols), however, even steel can be penetrated. I've learned respect, and even how to be a caregiver for two elderly parents. Thouh my mother may not be here when I have a child, she may not be able to stay with me, to show me how to clean the umbilical cord, to burp, to change the diapers, to bathe, to dress, I sure have a great idea how, and a great start. with a large family, my education, and my job. I have the tools, but not yet the oppurtunity for my own "hands-on" experience.
I've learned teamwork and sacrifice. That we all can't do it on our own, that we need to and have to work together, and every single one of us are giving up something to help out our parents in their time of need.
The tears are slowing, but will never completely go away.
I love you Mom.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
"The Day and the Hour is Unknown."
Often, when I think of this verse from the bible-"the day and the hour is unknown"-I commonly think and refer to the second coming of Christ, and from my understanding, this is what it's referring to in the Bible. I think that this verse can apply to many aspects in life and in my life. You will never know whom will be lead in and out of your life, and the time that it will happen. You never know the oppurtunities that may arise, and when they will arise. You may never know when a new friend or family member will be lead into your life, and another leave.
You may never know, or notice, the life changing events in your life-whether it's your choice, or that of following God's plan for you. Sometimes it's hard to recognize, at least for me it is!
You may never know...short, but sweet, "the day and the hour is unknown" applies to more aspects of life-yours or mine.
Let me see if I can work on letting go and never looking back...baby steps baby!!!
You may never know, or notice, the life changing events in your life-whether it's your choice, or that of following God's plan for you. Sometimes it's hard to recognize, at least for me it is!
You may never know...short, but sweet, "the day and the hour is unknown" applies to more aspects of life-yours or mine.
Let me see if I can work on letting go and never looking back...baby steps baby!!!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
It's been awhile!
I'm just sitting here, waiting for my phone to charge so I can go over to my parents and finishing cleaning up from when I moved in June. God lead an oppurtunity into my life. A family in which I met through my job had a cute little studio apartment that they were looking to find a renter. I checked it out, the price was right, and then I decided, it's time. The right price, right location, and most important of all, it would be my own time and space which is what I needed more in life right now than anything.
It has been nice. Though I worry about and miss my mom more than ever.
I do look forward to Football this year. I love the NFL. My boyfriend thinks I'm a little obsessed, and, well, he's right! It's one of, if not the only memory I have of sitting on my Dad's lap. I remember my mom calling us in for lunch/dinner and we would be so involved in the game, that she would have to stand in front of the TV and tell my dad, "Tom, it's time to eat, you need to turn off the game and help me get the kids to the table." Sometimes she would even turn off the TV! I think that's the quickest we ever ate and got the dishes done and kitchen cleaned so we could go back to the game, and I could sit on Dad's lap!
The competeting is fierce. Most of my brothers LOVE the Dallas Cowboys, so the rest of us can't stand them and usually cheer against them, mostly to make my brothers mad. It's kinda fun!
We also love to cheer the Utah Utes and Pine View High Football. It's really nice when we all cheer for the same team.
I myself am a Chicago Bears Fan! I have been since 1985 I was in 5th or 6th grade when they won the Superbowl. I loved Jim McMahon, even though he went to BYU-he was just such a rebel!! And of course, Walter Payton, the greatest running back of all time! And my favorite current player, is Brian Urlacher-I want to get his jersey!
Well, I'm off to finishih cleaning up! Phone is charged and ready to go! Hope everyone has a great day today!
It has been nice. Though I worry about and miss my mom more than ever.
I do look forward to Football this year. I love the NFL. My boyfriend thinks I'm a little obsessed, and, well, he's right! It's one of, if not the only memory I have of sitting on my Dad's lap. I remember my mom calling us in for lunch/dinner and we would be so involved in the game, that she would have to stand in front of the TV and tell my dad, "Tom, it's time to eat, you need to turn off the game and help me get the kids to the table." Sometimes she would even turn off the TV! I think that's the quickest we ever ate and got the dishes done and kitchen cleaned so we could go back to the game, and I could sit on Dad's lap!
The competeting is fierce. Most of my brothers LOVE the Dallas Cowboys, so the rest of us can't stand them and usually cheer against them, mostly to make my brothers mad. It's kinda fun!
We also love to cheer the Utah Utes and Pine View High Football. It's really nice when we all cheer for the same team.
I myself am a Chicago Bears Fan! I have been since 1985 I was in 5th or 6th grade when they won the Superbowl. I loved Jim McMahon, even though he went to BYU-he was just such a rebel!! And of course, Walter Payton, the greatest running back of all time! And my favorite current player, is Brian Urlacher-I want to get his jersey!
Well, I'm off to finishih cleaning up! Phone is charged and ready to go! Hope everyone has a great day today!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Let go and Let God!
Things are a bit better, and I hope they continue to get even better. Lots of prayers being said by me and for me, for that, I thank everyone. You can never underestimate the power of prayer!
I think, I hope, I'am all cried out, although, we all know, that's not true!
I've tried to "Let go, and let God!" As well as do only what I can and hope that others will help when and where needed.
Life is busy, but it's always good! I love my jobs, they keep me busy and keep my mind off of some things for a little while!
I love my family, despite all our differences, I can't live without them.
Back to work!
Happy Easter Everyone!!
I think, I hope, I'am all cried out, although, we all know, that's not true!
I've tried to "Let go, and let God!" As well as do only what I can and hope that others will help when and where needed.
Life is busy, but it's always good! I love my jobs, they keep me busy and keep my mind off of some things for a little while!
I love my family, despite all our differences, I can't live without them.
Back to work!
Happy Easter Everyone!!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
When you left your room this morning, did you think to pray?
"Oh how praying rest the weary, prayer will change the night to day, so when life gets dark and dreary, don't forget to pray..."
Tennessee Ernie Ford
I have been struggling the last few days. I said no more crying, no more being sad. But, it's not that easy, I know! "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." LOVE that saying, have it somewhere, packed away from when I moved back home...
When I FINALLY graduated from college with my Bachelors Degree and moved back home (going on four years ago), I thought life would be easy or at lease easier, and it was, for awhile. Then, my mom, my hero, the hardest working woman I've ever knowns, she was diagnosed with Dementia/Alzheimers. I read and researched, a lot on the disease, and tried to share the things I discovered with friends, family, and loved ones to help them, help myself, help all of us understand this horrible disease and how it affects the person who has it and their loved ones. It got overwhelming and sad. So, I took a break and started reading the Bible!
Nothing can prepare you for the sadness, for the heartache. Some understand, some have an idea of how it feels, and some, will never know. I don't wish it upon anyone.
I had no idea that I would end up taking care of my parents finances, (with help from my sister Heather), take mom to her doctors appointments, making sure my mom's medication is filled, refilled and that she takes it daily, and to be the housekeeper, hygiene and house cleaning product purchaser, and not to mention that I have an older brother with Special Needs living in the home, and now my baby brother, whom does purchase food and keeps us fed EVERY night. It's very awesome of him to make sure that his parents are fed, and fed good!
I'm overwhelmed. I really don't know how much longer I can take the pressure. I wish for more help, from/for my siblings and their families, for my mother's relatives, to be a team, to do this, to be in this together. It's heartbreaking, and we need to share in the work and in the heartache.
Show appreciation for those that are going above and beyond, and for those that are trying.
Today, I ask you to put myself in your prayers. I pray, for unconditional love, for patience, and for understanding. And prayer for me, to determine if I should tough it out a little longer, or if it's time for me to move on and out of the home.
Love you all!
Tennessee Ernie Ford
I have been struggling the last few days. I said no more crying, no more being sad. But, it's not that easy, I know! "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it." LOVE that saying, have it somewhere, packed away from when I moved back home...
When I FINALLY graduated from college with my Bachelors Degree and moved back home (going on four years ago), I thought life would be easy or at lease easier, and it was, for awhile. Then, my mom, my hero, the hardest working woman I've ever knowns, she was diagnosed with Dementia/Alzheimers. I read and researched, a lot on the disease, and tried to share the things I discovered with friends, family, and loved ones to help them, help myself, help all of us understand this horrible disease and how it affects the person who has it and their loved ones. It got overwhelming and sad. So, I took a break and started reading the Bible!
Nothing can prepare you for the sadness, for the heartache. Some understand, some have an idea of how it feels, and some, will never know. I don't wish it upon anyone.
I had no idea that I would end up taking care of my parents finances, (with help from my sister Heather), take mom to her doctors appointments, making sure my mom's medication is filled, refilled and that she takes it daily, and to be the housekeeper, hygiene and house cleaning product purchaser, and not to mention that I have an older brother with Special Needs living in the home, and now my baby brother, whom does purchase food and keeps us fed EVERY night. It's very awesome of him to make sure that his parents are fed, and fed good!
I'm overwhelmed. I really don't know how much longer I can take the pressure. I wish for more help, from/for my siblings and their families, for my mother's relatives, to be a team, to do this, to be in this together. It's heartbreaking, and we need to share in the work and in the heartache.
Show appreciation for those that are going above and beyond, and for those that are trying.
Today, I ask you to put myself in your prayers. I pray, for unconditional love, for patience, and for understanding. And prayer for me, to determine if I should tough it out a little longer, or if it's time for me to move on and out of the home.
Love you all!
Friday, March 5, 2010
What's a Snish?
"What's a Snish?" My friend asked me once. I said, "It's me!"
I received the nickname when I was young. I loved the original TV series "The Dukes of Hazzard." I was in love with John Schneider, he played Bo Duke. He was cute!! Sweet blonde hair blowing in the wind, nice car that you had to climb in and out of the windows, nice chest showing through his button-up shirt, mmmm, mmm, yummy!! I especially loved it when they slid accross the hood!
So, my older brother, he started calling me "Schneider." That turned to "Snish, "Ish," and "Schnar."
But, somehow, "Snishie" has stuck. I used to cry to mom and tell her, "That's not my name!" "Oh honey, they are just teasing you!"
Now, friends, family, and strangers alike call me "Snish" or "Snishie." I don't go by my real name much anymore, sometimes I don't even respond to it! I like "Snishie!"
It's not German, It's unique, I really feel like it's my name!
So, don't be scared to call me by my name...: )
I received the nickname when I was young. I loved the original TV series "The Dukes of Hazzard." I was in love with John Schneider, he played Bo Duke. He was cute!! Sweet blonde hair blowing in the wind, nice car that you had to climb in and out of the windows, nice chest showing through his button-up shirt, mmmm, mmm, yummy!! I especially loved it when they slid accross the hood!
So, my older brother, he started calling me "Schneider." That turned to "Snish, "Ish," and "Schnar."
But, somehow, "Snishie" has stuck. I used to cry to mom and tell her, "That's not my name!" "Oh honey, they are just teasing you!"
Now, friends, family, and strangers alike call me "Snish" or "Snishie." I don't go by my real name much anymore, sometimes I don't even respond to it! I like "Snishie!"
It's not German, It's unique, I really feel like it's my name!
So, don't be scared to call me by my name...: )
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